1. I am NEVER going to be the best student in the class.
This I have come to accept after three weeks. What is awesome, but also terrifying, about studying Italian in Italy is that there is no common denominator. That is, everyone comes from all over the world with widely varying experiences in the language. There are many young students (ages 20-25) who have already lived in Italy for months and are living with families in Umbria and have spent much time talking in Italian in an impromptu fashion. Instead, I have been insulated in a classroom in America, studying the tongue I love so much only three hours per week for three years, from a grammar book with fixed rules, from exercises consisting of correct and incorrect responses. This insulated language experience is difficult to overcome. It was somewhat of a slap in the face (and put me justifiably in my place) to find out I am not the top student and will not be this semester.
However, I have changed my attitude and my goal and am now concentrating on that I am
learning in a way not possible in the States; that is, being immersed in this beautiful language
26 hours per week is much more useful and helpful than my previous 3 hour per week experience. I am learning something I am passionate about--that is what is important.
2. There are OTHER "crazy" middle aged people, just like me, which is comforting!
In my class, there are two fifty-ish women from Argentina, a 60-year old attorney from
Connecticut, a thirty-five year aeronatics engineer from Libya, a forty-five year old attorney from Romania and many post-laureate students from all over the European Union.
I always felt weird\strange in the United States, wanting to go back to school in my forties to study Italian. However, I am not as abnormal as I thought. I think it is a result of our
American focus on earning money and following a linear path for all of our life.
At the Universita' per Stranieri, there are several of us "persons of a certain age" who have
a love of the Italian language and want to study it for no other reason than an affinity for
the culture, musicality and bellezza of the Italian tongue. Everything done in life, even if
it is time consuming and requires a pause from your "regular job", doesn't necessitate earning a paycheck. Before I came here, I felt guilty and foolish for wanting to run off to Italy
to study something that I love so much, but chances are, I may never earn a living from it.
But, now, I see that this is perhaps okay (at least, I hope so :)). God or biology has wired each of us to have certain affinities for certain subjects\material and I think I have finally found my true love.
3. People will automatically discount you because you are OLD.
I have found that many of the young students don't want to associate with us "older" students. I even find myself doing it, unfortunately. What is this ageism that is so prevalent across the world? I can see it in the eyes of the twentyish year old girls who don't want to take the time
to form a relationship with you, assuming that you have nothing in common or you aren't any fun to be with, or that you are mentally "slow". However, when I persist, I have found (and a couple of the young girls have discovered) that we actually may have something in common. I have formed a tenative friendship with a 24-year old engineer from Hungary--I think she is astonished that I am as passionate and intense about learning Italian as she is (she loves it for the beauty of the language, but also because she has an Italian ragazzo\boyfriend--good reason!). After bugging her for a couple of weeks for conversation, we have now formed the beginnings of a friendship and she is much more interested in conversing with me after discovering that we have many of the same goals for studying here.
Of course, I am guilty of the same thing. The 60-year old attorney from Connecticut has asked me to meet for coffee a couple of times to practice Italian together--I have turned him down every time because he isn't as competent as me and I am assuming he is "slow" due to his age. However, I have decided to reconsider and treat him as a person instead of an age (I also didn't want to spend any time with Americans because I don't want to fall into the easy trap of speaking English).
Can anyone explain to me this discounting of persons solely due to age? It is "brutta" (ugly) and
I am going to try to be more conscious of it from now on and look at the soul inside, not the saggy skin and wrinkles outside. Again, I guess ageism is wired into us in our biology (from an evolutionary standpoint) because it is more beneficial to copulate with a young person who provides younger, less damaged DNA, which is an advantage for the next generation (see, I will never get rid of my biological way of thinking :)).
4. I am never going to be PERFECT in my Italian; it will never be my mother tongue.
I came here, expecting to be fluent after a few months. Of course I have only been here three
weeks; however, I see that the learning curve is very steep and, as my phonetics professor has
put it so aptly, a "straniero" (foreigner) only has the hope of reaching an ACCEPTABLE pronunciation, not a native pronunciation. At first, this was discouraging news and I thought it was hopeless to consider studying Italian at the graduate level when I return to the States.
However, when I think of where I started six semesters ago, from ABSOLUTE ZERO, I have come a long way and can actually survive here, with a child in tow nevertheless. I can do everything I need to do to live my daily life here. On the other hand, I had hoped of being able to find a job and live in Italy, at least at some point in the future when I am "childless" :): However, due to the economic situation in Italy and the insuperability (is this an English word?) of reaching a native competence in Italian, this is impossible. Again, as in discovery number one, I have changed my expectations. I am cognizant that I can travel in Italy, study in Italy and live here, at least for a few months, on my own, without being part of a tour group--and, for this, I feel a sense of accomplishment and hope to keeping studying Italian for the rest of my life.
5. To end on a more positive note, us OLD FARTS can LEARN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE or whatever else we are interested in!
Dude! I highly recommend this experience for any of my friends who have a burning desire
to study something, whether it is a language (Julie), cooking, music (this is for you Lynne!). biotechnology or horticulture. I really feel that if we listen to our inner whisper, whether it is our soul speaking, or for you strict materialists, only our neurobiology, I think all of us would be much happier and more at peace if we would follow our heart more instead of wasting our whole life making sure our pocketbook is full or that we live in a gigantic house. Of course, we have to earn a living (and I'm still trying to figure out how to turn my passion for Italian into a career :)), but our blood pressure would be lower and our lives on earth would be more coherent if we encouraged ourselves (and our children--at least I have tried to do this) to not always chase the dollar, but pursue your dream with your whole heart. And, for this, I am very happy that I decided to come here. I wouldn't be anywhere else!
Loves, hugs, kisses to everybody! Miss you!
P.S. To all of my middle-age girlfriends a note of hope: the manager of a camera store told me that I had "occhi meravigliosi" (marvelous eyes) reflecting an "anima profondo" (deep soul) yesterday--we're not dead yet, girlfriends! Love you!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT ITALY
After only a week here! I realize many of these are stereotypes, but they have held to be true in my very brief time in Perugia.
1. Complete strangers walk up to you in a bar (coffee shop) and ask if they can meet you for conversation; I really can't see this happening in the US. I was having my morning cappuccino a couple of days ago after dropping Daniel off at school and a French woman who is majoring in International Litigation (cool major!) wanted to know if I would converse with her in English in exchange for conversation in Italian. The isolation and suspicion that surrounds interactions in America is not felt here--I wonder why? Of course, the downside to this is that also random men try to get your cell phone number, find out where you live, etc. and won't take no for an answer unless you leave ;), which is kind of amusing considering I'm in my mid 40's, but also flattering. My point is that people just seem more open and interested in human interaction.
2. Just as many fathers and grandparents as mothers are collecting the children at the end of the day at the Montessori School. In the US, it seems that us moms have to fall into one of two extreme camps: the devoted, stay-at-home, soccer mom who is worn out from being nearly the sole caretaker of the children (which is the camp I have always fallen into) OR the career woman who has children but doesn't really have time for them and has to leave them at daycare a good portion of the day. Here, it has been refreshing to see more flexible arrangements for taking care of the kids and also the grandparents seem very involved. During a beautiful day at the park this week, I saw many "nonni" (grandparents) swinging, hugging, kissing and verbally encouraging and caressing their "nipotini" (grandchildren)--I wish! The interactions between the grandparents and grandchildren are full of love and tenderness: "tesore" (treasure), "amore mio" (my love), and "caro" (dear) are words you hear constantly. Affection is given freely and deeply to children--if it was like this everywhere, we would put the child psychiatrists out of business!
3. Women who unabashedly embrace their feminity. You almost never see women in sweatpants, T-shirts or slouchy clothes; apparently, jeans are worn mainly by students or at least with a sexy top. Breasts, legs, high heels and beauty are on display everywhere unashamedly. Viva la femminilita'!
4. Waking up in the early morning to church bells, opening the humongous windows of my small and simple apartment, and looking out on the orange terracotta rooftops of buildings tumbling down the rolling, blue Umbrian hills. 'Nuff said.
5. Everyone is interested in everyone. I am so accustomed to impersonal dealings in the US. No one really makes extended eye contact unless in an intense conversation with a family member, lover, or close friend. Instead, in Perugia, the "fruttivendolo" (fruit seller) really wants to know why I'm here and makes me promise to bring my child by to meet her, complimenting my Italian saying "brava, brava" even when I know it isn't true :). Also, this carries over to the interactions between the sexes. The usual scenario is a young woman seated on a park bench, facing forward, with a slight pout on her face. Almost falling off the bench and turned completely towards her is a young man, caressing her hair, kissing her at random intervals on the forehead, laughing out loud at the clever things that she says, and grabbing her frequently for a hug. It's both beautiful and painful to watch. American men have a few things to learn, in my opinion :).
6. Shopping for food, preparing food and eating food is seen as a worthwhile art form. I spend about an hour per day shopping, as I have to go to the "salumeria" (meat shop), "pasticceria" (pastry shop), "fruttivendolo", homemade pasta shop and the Coop, the "supermercato" which is about the size of a 711 in the US. Do I really have time go to to school? :) I could spend all day hanging out in the various food shops and talking to the mercants about how to prepare this or that. Moreover, I love that the relationship with food is uncomplicated in Italy. It's okay to be enthusiastic and enjoy a good meal! In America, we all overeat (and we are all overweight), but it is seen as lacking self control to talk about and savor the food as much as the Italians do. Yet, all the women here are universally thin--I can testify that this is because you walk your ass off everywhere (hence, I gain an hour per day by not having to run and lift weights, thus giving me more time to enjoy the food :)). I also love that there isn't one type of Italian food--it's not all spaghetti with ragu' sauce--but each region has its own typical products and sauces and dishes. Daniel and I ate tagliatelle with sugo d'oca (goose) yesterday with veal salad and brushchette con tartufi bianchi (white truffles), yummy and cheap!
7. The multinational and multicultural nature of Europe. At the Montessori School, Daniel is paired with a little girl from Cameroon as they are both new to Italian. She speaks French, he speaks English, and the teacher speaks Italian. A little boy in the class with a British father and an Italian mother happily serves as translator. In my own university, there is a healthy mix of students from China, Taiwan, Japan, Libya, Hungary, the Netherlands, Germany, Norway, Switzerland, Australia, Cameroon and Argentina (this is where we sing "We are the World"). Not many "americani" are here, which is to my benefit. And, plus, it's absolutely adorable to hear my own 8-year old now saying "Mamma mia!" on a regular basis!
8. The overtly expressive nature of the Italian culture. One of my goals is to learn what all the innumerable Italian hand gestures mean. It is pure entertainment to watch an Italian man speaking on a cell phone. He paces back and forth, gesturing wildly with his hands, spreading his arms wide, nearly dropping the phone, just as in a face-to-face conversation. Adorable! But, again, this is a reflection of idea #5 in that one is fully immersed in a conversation here, not checking your Blackberry and email, cooking dinner and changing your status on Facebook while having a phone conversation.
9. The general helpfulness and trusting nature of the Italian people. We have only been here one week but Daniel has been fortunate to have played three times already with the grandson of my "proprietaria" (landlord) who is already my friend. In addition, Daniel has two other playdates already lined up with kids at school--I will need a separate schedule for his social calendar! Moreover, the teachers at the Montessori School have bent over backwards helping me get childcare lined up for my two late days at the University. After only a week, I feel that we have the love and support we are going to need to make it. Love you, Caterina!
10. Okay, I lied--only 9 things. But, from a more practical standpoint, Daniel is doing very well at school. He has formed a bond already with his "brava" teacher, Paola, and is thrilled that the Montessori School is more advanced than his American school. Here, they are already doing all of their work in cursive handwriting and they were just beginning to learn the cursive strokes in Virginia. He is having a ball noticing the differences between American and Italian handwriting. By the way, I have learned quite a few things already from helping him with his homework; perhaps I should go to third grade here! Being a math aficionade, Daniel was excited to find out that the Italian kids already know their multiplication tables, which he hadn't even started in America, so he is working furiously to catch up, loving the challenge. Certainly, the language barrier is a problem, but he is in a class of only 13 children, so the teacher has time to work with him and the little girl from Cameroon.
As for me, my schedule is "massacrante", 24 hours of class per week in Italian! I have had only one full day of class so far, 3 hours of Italian language and 3 hours of contemporary Italian literature. Coming from a science and mathematics background, I was afraid that the literature course would be obtuse and dull to me. However, the literature professor is very engaging, recounting the human stories in the novel we are discussing ("Una vita" da Italo Svevo) with all the dysfunction and heartache included, stuff I love! My courses include: 9 hours per week of Italian language, 3 hours in phonetics and phonology (whatever that is :)), 3 hours in Italian history, 3 hours in the history of Italian art, 3 hours of Italian language excercises, and 2 hours in the language laboratory--whew! If that doesn't make me competent, I give up!
I wish I could say that Daniel and I are spending all of our time learning about art and architecture and history (which truly surrounds us everywhere), but life is spent in the daily business of living, just like anywhere else--going to school, cooking meals and taking care of my son. However, in ITALIA! VIVA IL BEL PAESE!
1. Complete strangers walk up to you in a bar (coffee shop) and ask if they can meet you for conversation; I really can't see this happening in the US. I was having my morning cappuccino a couple of days ago after dropping Daniel off at school and a French woman who is majoring in International Litigation (cool major!) wanted to know if I would converse with her in English in exchange for conversation in Italian. The isolation and suspicion that surrounds interactions in America is not felt here--I wonder why? Of course, the downside to this is that also random men try to get your cell phone number, find out where you live, etc. and won't take no for an answer unless you leave ;), which is kind of amusing considering I'm in my mid 40's, but also flattering. My point is that people just seem more open and interested in human interaction.
2. Just as many fathers and grandparents as mothers are collecting the children at the end of the day at the Montessori School. In the US, it seems that us moms have to fall into one of two extreme camps: the devoted, stay-at-home, soccer mom who is worn out from being nearly the sole caretaker of the children (which is the camp I have always fallen into) OR the career woman who has children but doesn't really have time for them and has to leave them at daycare a good portion of the day. Here, it has been refreshing to see more flexible arrangements for taking care of the kids and also the grandparents seem very involved. During a beautiful day at the park this week, I saw many "nonni" (grandparents) swinging, hugging, kissing and verbally encouraging and caressing their "nipotini" (grandchildren)--I wish! The interactions between the grandparents and grandchildren are full of love and tenderness: "tesore" (treasure), "amore mio" (my love), and "caro" (dear) are words you hear constantly. Affection is given freely and deeply to children--if it was like this everywhere, we would put the child psychiatrists out of business!
3. Women who unabashedly embrace their feminity. You almost never see women in sweatpants, T-shirts or slouchy clothes; apparently, jeans are worn mainly by students or at least with a sexy top. Breasts, legs, high heels and beauty are on display everywhere unashamedly. Viva la femminilita'!
4. Waking up in the early morning to church bells, opening the humongous windows of my small and simple apartment, and looking out on the orange terracotta rooftops of buildings tumbling down the rolling, blue Umbrian hills. 'Nuff said.
5. Everyone is interested in everyone. I am so accustomed to impersonal dealings in the US. No one really makes extended eye contact unless in an intense conversation with a family member, lover, or close friend. Instead, in Perugia, the "fruttivendolo" (fruit seller) really wants to know why I'm here and makes me promise to bring my child by to meet her, complimenting my Italian saying "brava, brava" even when I know it isn't true :). Also, this carries over to the interactions between the sexes. The usual scenario is a young woman seated on a park bench, facing forward, with a slight pout on her face. Almost falling off the bench and turned completely towards her is a young man, caressing her hair, kissing her at random intervals on the forehead, laughing out loud at the clever things that she says, and grabbing her frequently for a hug. It's both beautiful and painful to watch. American men have a few things to learn, in my opinion :).
6. Shopping for food, preparing food and eating food is seen as a worthwhile art form. I spend about an hour per day shopping, as I have to go to the "salumeria" (meat shop), "pasticceria" (pastry shop), "fruttivendolo", homemade pasta shop and the Coop, the "supermercato" which is about the size of a 711 in the US. Do I really have time go to to school? :) I could spend all day hanging out in the various food shops and talking to the mercants about how to prepare this or that. Moreover, I love that the relationship with food is uncomplicated in Italy. It's okay to be enthusiastic and enjoy a good meal! In America, we all overeat (and we are all overweight), but it is seen as lacking self control to talk about and savor the food as much as the Italians do. Yet, all the women here are universally thin--I can testify that this is because you walk your ass off everywhere (hence, I gain an hour per day by not having to run and lift weights, thus giving me more time to enjoy the food :)). I also love that there isn't one type of Italian food--it's not all spaghetti with ragu' sauce--but each region has its own typical products and sauces and dishes. Daniel and I ate tagliatelle with sugo d'oca (goose) yesterday with veal salad and brushchette con tartufi bianchi (white truffles), yummy and cheap!
7. The multinational and multicultural nature of Europe. At the Montessori School, Daniel is paired with a little girl from Cameroon as they are both new to Italian. She speaks French, he speaks English, and the teacher speaks Italian. A little boy in the class with a British father and an Italian mother happily serves as translator. In my own university, there is a healthy mix of students from China, Taiwan, Japan, Libya, Hungary, the Netherlands, Germany, Norway, Switzerland, Australia, Cameroon and Argentina (this is where we sing "We are the World"). Not many "americani" are here, which is to my benefit. And, plus, it's absolutely adorable to hear my own 8-year old now saying "Mamma mia!" on a regular basis!
8. The overtly expressive nature of the Italian culture. One of my goals is to learn what all the innumerable Italian hand gestures mean. It is pure entertainment to watch an Italian man speaking on a cell phone. He paces back and forth, gesturing wildly with his hands, spreading his arms wide, nearly dropping the phone, just as in a face-to-face conversation. Adorable! But, again, this is a reflection of idea #5 in that one is fully immersed in a conversation here, not checking your Blackberry and email, cooking dinner and changing your status on Facebook while having a phone conversation.
9. The general helpfulness and trusting nature of the Italian people. We have only been here one week but Daniel has been fortunate to have played three times already with the grandson of my "proprietaria" (landlord) who is already my friend. In addition, Daniel has two other playdates already lined up with kids at school--I will need a separate schedule for his social calendar! Moreover, the teachers at the Montessori School have bent over backwards helping me get childcare lined up for my two late days at the University. After only a week, I feel that we have the love and support we are going to need to make it. Love you, Caterina!
10. Okay, I lied--only 9 things. But, from a more practical standpoint, Daniel is doing very well at school. He has formed a bond already with his "brava" teacher, Paola, and is thrilled that the Montessori School is more advanced than his American school. Here, they are already doing all of their work in cursive handwriting and they were just beginning to learn the cursive strokes in Virginia. He is having a ball noticing the differences between American and Italian handwriting. By the way, I have learned quite a few things already from helping him with his homework; perhaps I should go to third grade here! Being a math aficionade, Daniel was excited to find out that the Italian kids already know their multiplication tables, which he hadn't even started in America, so he is working furiously to catch up, loving the challenge. Certainly, the language barrier is a problem, but he is in a class of only 13 children, so the teacher has time to work with him and the little girl from Cameroon.
As for me, my schedule is "massacrante", 24 hours of class per week in Italian! I have had only one full day of class so far, 3 hours of Italian language and 3 hours of contemporary Italian literature. Coming from a science and mathematics background, I was afraid that the literature course would be obtuse and dull to me. However, the literature professor is very engaging, recounting the human stories in the novel we are discussing ("Una vita" da Italo Svevo) with all the dysfunction and heartache included, stuff I love! My courses include: 9 hours per week of Italian language, 3 hours in phonetics and phonology (whatever that is :)), 3 hours in Italian history, 3 hours in the history of Italian art, 3 hours of Italian language excercises, and 2 hours in the language laboratory--whew! If that doesn't make me competent, I give up!
I wish I could say that Daniel and I are spending all of our time learning about art and architecture and history (which truly surrounds us everywhere), but life is spent in the daily business of living, just like anywhere else--going to school, cooking meals and taking care of my son. However, in ITALIA! VIVA IL BEL PAESE!
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