What's it REALLY like to study Italian as a middle aged woman :)

1. I am NEVER going to be the best student in the class.

This I have come to accept after three weeks. What is awesome, but also terrifying, about studying Italian in Italy is that there is no common denominator. That is, everyone comes from all over the world with widely varying experiences in the language. There are many young students (ages 20-25) who have already lived in Italy for months and are living with families in Umbria and have spent much time talking in Italian in an impromptu fashion. Instead, I have been insulated in a classroom in America, studying the tongue I love so much only three hours per week for three years, from a grammar book with fixed rules, from exercises consisting of correct and incorrect responses. This insulated language experience is difficult to overcome. It was somewhat of a slap in the face (and put me justifiably in my place) to find out I am not the top student and will not be this semester.

However, I have changed my attitude and my goal and am now concentrating on that I am
learning in a way not possible in the States; that is, being immersed in this beautiful language
26 hours per week is much more useful and helpful than my previous 3 hour per week experience. I am learning something I am passionate about--that is what is important.

2. There are OTHER "crazy" middle aged people, just like me, which is comforting!

In my class, there are two fifty-ish women from Argentina, a 60-year old attorney from
Connecticut, a thirty-five year aeronatics engineer from Libya, a forty-five year old attorney from Romania and many post-laureate students from all over the European Union.

I always felt weird\strange in the United States, wanting to go back to school in my forties to study Italian. However, I am not as abnormal as I thought. I think it is a result of our
American focus on earning money and following a linear path for all of our life.
At the Universita' per Stranieri, there are several of us "persons of a certain age" who have
a love of the Italian language and want to study it for no other reason than an affinity for
the culture, musicality and bellezza of the Italian tongue. Everything done in life, even if
it is time consuming and requires a pause from your "regular job", doesn't necessitate earning a paycheck. Before I came here, I felt guilty and foolish for wanting to run off to Italy
to study something that I love so much, but chances are, I may never earn a living from it.
But, now, I see that this is perhaps okay (at least, I hope so :)). God or biology has wired each of us to have certain affinities for certain subjects\material and I think I have finally found my true love.

3. People will automatically discount you because you are OLD.

I have found that many of the young students don't want to associate with us "older" students. I even find myself doing it, unfortunately. What is this ageism that is so prevalent across the world? I can see it in the eyes of the twentyish year old girls who don't want to take the time
to form a relationship with you, assuming that you have nothing in common or you aren't any fun to be with, or that you are mentally "slow". However, when I persist, I have found (and a couple of the young girls have discovered) that we actually may have something in common. I have formed a tenative friendship with a 24-year old engineer from Hungary--I think she is astonished that I am as passionate and intense about learning Italian as she is (she loves it for the beauty of the language, but also because she has an Italian ragazzo\boyfriend--good reason!). After bugging her for a couple of weeks for conversation, we have now formed the beginnings of a friendship and she is much more interested in conversing with me after discovering that we have many of the same goals for studying here.

Of course, I am guilty of the same thing. The 60-year old attorney from Connecticut has asked me to meet for coffee a couple of times to practice Italian together--I have turned him down every time because he isn't as competent as me and I am assuming he is "slow" due to his age. However, I have decided to reconsider and treat him as a person instead of an age (I also didn't want to spend any time with Americans because I don't want to fall into the easy trap of speaking English).

Can anyone explain to me this discounting of persons solely due to age? It is "brutta" (ugly) and
I am going to try to be more conscious of it from now on and look at the soul inside, not the saggy skin and wrinkles outside. Again, I guess ageism is wired into us in our biology (from an evolutionary standpoint) because it is more beneficial to copulate with a young person who provides younger, less damaged DNA, which is an advantage for the next generation (see, I will never get rid of my biological way of thinking :)).

4. I am never going to be PERFECT in my Italian; it will never be my mother tongue.

I came here, expecting to be fluent after a few months. Of course I have only been here three
weeks; however, I see that the learning curve is very steep and, as my phonetics professor has
put it so aptly, a "straniero" (foreigner) only has the hope of reaching an ACCEPTABLE pronunciation, not a native pronunciation. At first, this was discouraging news and I thought it was hopeless to consider studying Italian at the graduate level when I return to the States.

However, when I think of where I started six semesters ago, from ABSOLUTE ZERO, I have come a long way and can actually survive here, with a child in tow nevertheless. I can do everything I need to do to live my daily life here. On the other hand, I had hoped of being able to find a job and live in Italy, at least at some point in the future when I am "childless" :): However, due to the economic situation in Italy and the insuperability (is this an English word?) of reaching a native competence in Italian, this is impossible. Again, as in discovery number one, I have changed my expectations. I am cognizant that I can travel in Italy, study in Italy and live here, at least for a few months, on my own, without being part of a tour group--and, for this, I feel a sense of accomplishment and hope to keeping studying Italian for the rest of my life.

5. To end on a more positive note, us OLD FARTS can LEARN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE or whatever else we are interested in!

Dude! I highly recommend this experience for any of my friends who have a burning desire
to study something, whether it is a language (Julie), cooking, music (this is for you Lynne!). biotechnology or horticulture. I really feel that if we listen to our inner whisper, whether it is our soul speaking, or for you strict materialists, only our neurobiology, I think all of us would be much happier and more at peace if we would follow our heart more instead of wasting our whole life making sure our pocketbook is full or that we live in a gigantic house. Of course, we have to earn a living (and I'm still trying to figure out how to turn my passion for Italian into a career :)), but our blood pressure would be lower and our lives on earth would be more coherent if we encouraged ourselves (and our children--at least I have tried to do this) to not always chase the dollar, but pursue your dream with your whole heart. And, for this, I am very happy that I decided to come here. I wouldn't be anywhere else!

Loves, hugs, kisses to everybody! Miss you!

P.S. To all of my middle-age girlfriends a note of hope: the manager of a camera store told me that I had "occhi meravigliosi" (marvelous eyes) reflecting an "anima profondo" (deep soul) yesterday--we're not dead yet, girlfriends! Love you!